Motherhood Chronicles: Friendships vs New Baby


Most of us has that close-knit group of friends, that no matter what, we promise to be there through all that life throws at us. They've been there for us through everything, they've shared in our best moments and kept our dirt a secret - they were in our weddings and they've been our "go-to" girls when life just gets hard.  

We talk about the days our kids will grow up together and we won't turn out to be "those moms" - but what happens if you're one of the first in your group to have a baby?!

Let's face it, as much as we tell ourselves (and our friends) that nothing will change once that baby arrives, we know deep down that things in fact will never be the same again. Motherhood changes EVERYTHING. 

Thankfully, when I first had my son, a few of the women I worked with were moms and went above and beyond to provide the support I most desperately needed from someone who had not long ago, been in my shoes. They understood exactly what I was feeling - my exhaustion, my hormones, the feeling that you're not living your own life anymore because now you suddenly have a baby to take care of. You're always tired, days seem to run together when you're up every few hours and let's not even talk about trying to get out the house! 

Unfortunately for some, friendships will be lost. Friends that won’t understand that your whole life has changed. Having a baby is so much more than just popping out a child and walking out the hospital with an accessory in your backseat; the minute that child is born, you are no longer the same person. Personally, more than ever, I cared about being the best version of myself for my son. I cared about what was in his best interest and what I wanted was no longer a priority. Motherhood is messy and emotional. Sometimes you just cry when the baby is crying because you don't know what the heck to do and you're just as tired as they are.

I learned two things in the early months after my son was born – don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for focusing on you, your family, and your new baby. Let’s face it, moms LOVE to talk about their babies, their milestones and go crazy with the baby photos. And it’s ok if your friends don’t seem as invested as you do, they’re in a different phase of life.

The second thing I learned was the connection you share with your current friends can possibly change. The hobbies or activities that once bonded you may no longer be evident. Some things that I once deemed important, no longer seemed so significant in comparison to my new responsibility. Gone were the days of staying out late - heck, I was sleep deprived - and nothing is cool about a mom with spots on her top from leaky boobs. And honestly, the thought of snuggling with my new baby in yoga pants and catching up on some sleep just seemed way more my speed. 

You know what they say, it takes a village! And it truly does, but not so much for the child, but for the mom. Our village keeps us sane, it allows us to be the best moms we can be for our little ones. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have my mom friends encouraging me in those moments when I just wanted to give up. 

And remember, motherhood happens in stages, you don't lose who you are when you become a mom, but your priorities definitely get shifted. I'm fortunate to still have my long-term friends around (that still don't have kiddos yet). And they know I'll be there for them in a heartbeat when they welcome their little ones into the world. They're also a fun distraction when this mama needs a few hours break to get a pedicure or talk about anything BUT kids. 

Did you lose friends when you became a mom? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments below! 



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